Rolling Tears. . .

What a decision I made, but I know there's no turning back. The moment my heart wasn't certain, I knew there's no more continuation to this story. It can't be helped. I didn't mean it, but what are words? I can say anything, apologise a million times, keep saying I don't mean it, but a million words don't mean a thing, they don't heal wounds, they don't take away pain.

I feel the pain, I cried and cried and cried and I am still crying.

Who am I to complain when I'm the fire-starter?

Who am I to complain when I'm the one inflicting pain?

Who am I to complain when I was the one who ended it?

Who am I to complain when I'm the heartbreaker.

Breaking my own heart, breaking people's heart.

Throughout all my relationships, I always take them seriously. I do. Maybe some I know they won't last but while I'm in each relationship, I do treasure the relationship. Maybe it's inbred, maybe I just don't take it seriously. I feel that I do but my actions disagree.

"Dear Jon,

I loved every single moment we spent together. From before we got together to getting together and being a couple. We did everything together. Almost I guess. You were the first guy that does everything that I do and I like. Your personality is just so different from any other guy that I know.

You are more than unique. I know I never told you this before but yes, althought people always say you're crazy or weird always do random weird stuff. To me, you're just so different and more than just a unique person. I know everyone's unique, but you're more than just unique.

I thought we had it. I thought I saw us in the future together.

Apparently, I didn't love you enough to not stray. I can't believe I'm saying all these here. I just need to get it out. I'm a coward cause I don't have the courage to face you to say it.

I still want to apologise for all the promises that I made. I'm sorry for your tears. There's no way to determine if anyone is good enough for anyone, but I just know that you're too good for me. I'm probably not really the one. Maybe close to that someone that belongs to you, but not yet the one. I can picture in my mind who is the right one for you and how you and her should be together happily.

I wish I was the one, but I ruined everything so there's no turning back.

But, I still love you."


I never knew it can be so painful. I never knew I can cry so much, for so many days. I don't even remember crying so much ever.

I caused the pain and I'm crying over it.

What an idiot I am.